but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
