paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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