My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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