I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
