sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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