I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
