she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
