Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
