Will you blow on my dice?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
