i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize