i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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