also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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