walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
