what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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