i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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