If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Text me some of your sweat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
