Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
