You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
