remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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