I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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