my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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