Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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