Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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