Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
bring money and cleavage
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
