I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
