its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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