One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
