life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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