Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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