she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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