i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We are all done wearing pants today
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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