I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
