There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
