Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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