I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
