i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize