So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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