i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
