these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
