dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
