Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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