He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
