yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
