i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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