Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
