No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well I just put wine in my tea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
