I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
