As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
