hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
