did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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