just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize