Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
