I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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