i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
