i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you would pick up someone in the library
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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