Screwed.edu
now i know why i became what i already was.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
