just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize