Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
