Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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