Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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