Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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