how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
