so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My balls are so social today.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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