I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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