can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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