i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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