it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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