What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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