that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
