I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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