how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's great music for shaving your balls
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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