Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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