I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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