I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize