saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
