its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
