Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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