highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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