WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
