in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
